Wedding Day Reflections

Pocket books not allowing for a desert wedding, I had consoled and consolidated my creative juices around the idea of a grand camel processional into our other chosen location: the gardens of the Jerusalem University College (JUC). However, as we brainstormed a theme of contemplation for our wedding day, the need (specifically Brian’s) for thematic unity denied me the oxymoronic camel. And so, creativity turned to dressing up the garden in tones and shades of thoughtful reflection. Coloured lanterns were hung from branches and strings of white lights wrapped the tree trunks. Torches and candles encircled the grounds where tables were decked in the greens and browns of the surrounding gardens. As the evening grew near desert disappointments were long forgotten. The garden had taken on a medieval glow offering a rich and serene atmosphere full of promise.

Shadows of twilight had deepened by the time the Buth and Schultz clans were in their respective corner entrances to the garden. A guitar/drum duo picked up a rhythm as our families entered from opposite ends of the garden. Each family member held a torch and in single-file unison, approached the central stage that stood overlooking the now darkened Hinnom valley.

Brian and I, bringing up each rear, paused as our families placed their torches around the stage and joined the other guests at tables spread throughout the garden. We were left standing on either side of the stage facing each other.

As we took our final steps toward the stage and toward each other a recording began to play of our voices reading a passage on marriage. Processional reading: Click Here The chosen passage gave the larger context of the quote used on our invitation and set the tone for an evening of contemplation as we would reflect on our pasts and consider the significance of the present vows that would lead us into a mutual future.

We turned to welcome our guests and opened the evening recounting the story of just how we had set the date. It had all started with Brian rereading John 2 (the wedding at Cana (see archaeological photo below) and being struck by a detail he had never noticed before: the text begins with “And on the third day…” In Hebrew, this is the way one says “And on Tuesday…” Maybe that is what John meant to say?

When Brian shared his idea with me, it made sense, because I knew about the modern Jewish tradition to have weddings fall on Tuesdays: it is thought to be a way to share in the double blessing of the third day of creation, when God proclaimed his creation ‘good’ not once, but twice (Gen 1:10,12). Could it be that this tradition was already around in Jesus’ day?

That settled it. Tuesday it would be, and the first available one landed us on August 17th. Only later did we find out that we had hit the jackpot. Not only did August 17th happen to be the beginning of the Jewish month of Elul (and therefore a holiday for the new moon). It also happened that Elul is remembered as a month for lovers, since the name Elul in Hebrew serves as an acrostic for the verse “I am my beloved’s and my beloved in mine” (Song of Songs 6:3). That was it, we were destined. I’m sure as they listened even our guests were feeling the ‘divine appointment.’

Everyone knew a wedding meant a feast, but we were pretty sure our guests would need some help to savor it in true French style, as Brian would have it. So to insure a relaxed atmosphere around tables and to encourage plenty of time for conversation, we planned to serve the meal in courses. But it still lacked in originality. (Remember, I wasn’t getting my camel any more!) So to spice things up, we spliced up the ceremony and fit it in between the different courses.

Ironically, we would eventually find out, the effect it had on us was far from relaxing. As a serious lack of planning would have it, the task to co-ordinate the whole meal/production as it was unfolding fell on Brian and me. Luckily a few phone calls (thank God for cell phones) from our table to the kitchen –yes, during the meal itself– pulled it off…

(No doubt the cooks would use a word other than ‘lifesaver’ to describe the cell phone solution. Imagine trying to serve two ‘5 course menus’ –one kosher and the other not– to a crowd of 200 people where timing was essential yet no schedule had been provided! Two months later and some of them are still recouping). Well, at least we saw plenty of food streaming out of the kitchen. Still, our nerves kept us from verifying that it was tasty until the next day, and some of it not till after the honeymoon. Fortunately for us, most of our guests never noticed!

But moving back to front-stage and the first course: It was a salad made by a contingency of Brian’s friends who had come from France (affectionately known as “the Frenchies”). Even the cheese used in the salad had flown with them on the plane. To accentuate this cultural contribution, they sang their rewritten rendition of a famous French song while the food was being served. It had Brian smiling and laughing the whole way through. I, of course, had to wait for the humor in translation. Click Here to Read the Song in French.

The first portion of our ceremony was dedicated to contemplating the distant past by reflecting on marriage in ancient times. Specifically we invited Brian’s PhD advisor, Prof. Hanan Eshel, to discuss Jewish marriage rites up until New Testament times as illuminated by archaeology. Probably only a handful of scholars in the crowd could appreciate the insight and topical acumen Hanan offered. However, the serendipitous significance of his parenthetical introduction was felt by all. That same day, he informed us, he had celebrated the release of a book he had authored and dedicated to his professor, David Flusser. The late professor Flusser, a committed Jew –as is Hanan, was known for his important contributions to New Testament scholarship and the many Christian doctoral students he had supervised. And on this evening, Hanan was attending the wedding of his own first PhD student – also a Christian. When he presented the book to Brian, it was as if he were passing a baton to the next generation.

As the second course came out, a good friend of mine, Kathie, surprised us at the mike with an introduction to some mystery guests from a far off land. Moonface and his friends had arrived from the Enchanted Woods. Behind the stage and up a tree truck, she directed our gaze to a re-created cast of my favorite childhood storybook. Enid Blyton fans would have been impressed.

Little did we know that a slightly less manufactured mystery was just around the corner. As if on cue with a lull in the program, the sky overhead erupted with colour: fireworks exploded into the night sky. Guests could not help but race to peer over the Hinnom Valley to catch the spectacular show. Yony (brother) and Steve (cousin) were the first to claim them as their gift. I of course saw through their opportunistic tendencies and concluded once again we had witnessed a divine stamp of approval.

The mood stayed light as we moved into the next section contemplating our personal pasts. Both families had compiled slide shows of snapshots into the known and less known stages of our pasts. It was fun to laugh at a 3 year old Brian feigning innocence.He could probably say the same about some of my gratefully forgotten hairdos or my telltale days of the victorious make-up monster.

A couple hours after our entrance, it was finally time for the main course. En route to the buffet table not a few people stopped to ask if we were married yet. We had to assure them that no, they hadn’t missed anything. The best was yet to come. With only one course to follow, it was probably about this time that our fearless cooks (and their serving ‘staff’) finally started to breathe again.

As dinner was winding down we turned our contemplation to the present and the task at hand of getting us married. Gaby Barkay, Brian’s MA advisor, was invited to open this section with a little historical background as to the location we had chosen: the JUC gardens. Brian’s initial connection to my family date back to his years as an MA student at JUC, when my father was on the faculty (shame on Brian for never taking a course from him). Both Brian and I had lived on campus, though never at the same time. In fact, it was at a JUC sponsored outing that Brian and I first met. Furthermore, Brian’s MA thesis was a summary of the archaeological remains found on campus.

But there was more than a personal connection that attracted us to using the grounds. It was also a way of identifying with the rich heritage of our Protestant Faith and its presence in the Middle East. Originally built in the 1850’s, the buildings initially housed a school for Arab boys which was run by Christ Church, the oldest Protestant church in the Middle East. Christ Church’s first bishop, Michael Solomon Alexander, had been involved in the first translation of a Christian liturgy into Modern Hebrew: the Book of Common Prayer. And since we were getting married in Jerusalem, what could be more appropriate than using this 1837 document to recite our vows?

As a prelude to our vows, Brian’s dad gave a homily on their importance for marriage (Also entitled: “Why contemplation alone is not enough for a successful marriage” ?)

And since his Hebrew is limited to the single word “Shalom”, it fell on Abba (my dad) to lead us through the liturgy. Of course when it rolled around to the part of giving away daughters, Abba wasn’t willing to forgo his role of father. And so in a show of unprecedented accelerated vocab acquisition, Brian’s dad leaned over and interjected in his best mimicked Hebrew: “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” Telltale grins on the onlookers’ faces confirmed the effort had been appreciated by all.

Whether or not all the guests had understood what had just transpired, that was it! We were official, and we sealed it with the expected kiss. (OK, so I do allow some exceptions in my prerogative toward the unique and original) Our pastor, Chuck Kopp, whom we had hoped would lead the ceremony, was out of the country. In his absence, two church elders served us communion and read us a greeting Chuck and his wife had sent through them. Hearing their words lessened the blow of their absence, and we could not have scripted a better blessing to conclude our vows. Click Here to Read the Kopp's Email.

Only the Frenchies knew that ‘the best’ was still yet to come. The cheese they had incorporated into the first course salad was only a hint of the other cheeses they had brought from the “pays des fromages”. (Imagine how many suitcases it took to bring enough cheese for 200 people! Not to mention the aroma that trailed them…) These were served with the best baguettes an Israeli bakery can muster. Immediately after was the wedding cake. Gary (dear brother-in-law) had never let Sharon (dear sis) forget their cakeless wedding, and so to finally settle the score they had volunteered to bake ours.

As a surprise they resurrected one of my inspirational yet neglected ideas to represent Brian’s and my new ‘oneness’ by decorating in greens, oranges and purples. (Each colour being a ‘union’ of two primary colours). In the end the cake was the only venue for my “secondary colour scheme” inspiration. Little did our guests know that their taste buds were being satisfied with symbolism.

The cheese and cake courses accompanied more contemplations, this time open mike style. My brother and sister re-enacted a childhood memory of evenings spent singing Donovan & Dylan lullabies with Abba. Next, some close friends presented a slideshow of a few hard won pictures of our try at courtship. Then the Frenchies screened a home video extending greetings from the “pays des vieilles maisons en pierre” and inviting us (me now guilty by association) back to ‘outstay’ our welcome But the contemplating wasn’t quite over. An opportune clincher came in a reflection given by Imma (my mom). She read a beautiful composition summarizing her thoughts centered around the theme of ‘gardens’. (A must read). Click Here to read‘Garden reflections’ text.

As a parting send-off, each guest received a miniature replica of the Dead Sea Scrolls jars containing inspirational quotes we had collected. It was our way of saying thank you and encouraging guests to continue the contemplation we had began.

Although largely accredited to our complex pasts and idiosyncratic tendencies, subliminal disorder nearing mayhem was the secret ingredient to the uniqueness of the evening. Any semblance of order was due to the hoards of friends and family that rallied around us in the final days of preparations (thereby reducing our “undones” CLICK HERE to see “undones”). The list of guests who metamorphosized into last minute cooks, photographers, sound techs, servers, welcomers, musicians, etc… borders on humiliating but speaks volumes to the quality of friends and family we have. Our memories would have been empty without you. THANK YOU ALL.

Next: Honeymoon Getaway

Brian and Rachel's Wedding Page